Is It Narcissism, Or Something Else?
Understanding Cluster B Personality Traits in Relationships
When relationships feel confusing, hurtful, or unstable, people often reach for the word “narcissist.” The reality is often more complex. A personality disorders is understood in psychology as a long-standing pattern of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that differs from what’s typically expected within a person’s cultural context. Narcissism is only one piece of this picture. It sits within a broader group of traits called “Cluster B”, which include borderline, antisocial, and histrionic patterns. Each of these traits shows up differently.
Understanding the differences, and the overlaps, can help us make sense of relationship challenges without resorting to labels or blame. Instead, we can focus on recognising patterns of behaviour, their impact, and ways to move forward with safety, compassion, and awareness.
What Are Cluster B Personality Traits?
In psychology, Cluster B describes a group of personality traits that can affect emotions, self-image, and relationships.
Common features may include:
Intense emotions and mood shifts
Sensitivity to rejection or criticism
Interpersonal conflict or mistrust
Impulsivity or risk-taking behaviours
Challenges with empathy or perspective-taking
Examples of Cluster B patterns include:
Borderline traits: instability in relationships, intense fear of abandonment, difficulty regulating emotions.
Narcissistic traits: entitlement, need for admiration, sensitivity to criticism; may be expressed as either grandiose (confident, dominant) or vulnerable (insecure, hypersensitive).
Antisocial traits: disregard for the rights of others, deceit, or exploitation.
Histrionic traits: dramatic emotional expression, strong need for attention, and shifting self-presentation.
Note: Having traits doesn’t necessarily mean someone has a personality disorder. Research suggests personality disorders affect about 5–6% of people globally. Most of us can show may different traits, this does not mean we have a disorder.
Why People Often Say “Narcissist”
The term “narcissist” is widely used on social media and in pop culture. While behaviours like gaslighting, manipulation, or lack of empathy can appear in narcissistic patterns, they also occur in other personality styles, or even in situations of high stress or trauma.
Psychologists use structured assessments, not single actions, to guide our understanding of human characteristics. In therapy, what matters most is the pattern and impact of behaviours, not the label.
How These Traits Affect Relationships
Research highlights key relational impacts:
Narcissism:
Is often recognised as having two key forms,
· Grandiose: confidence and control, seeking admiration, which can feel dominating.
· Vulnerable: hypersensitivity to criticism, withdrawal after feeling hurt with inner feelings of shame. (Clarkin, 2022).
Both can create cycles of closeness, conflict, and distance. Someone may put on “armour” by acting confident and dismissive when they feel small inside. This can be experienced as coldness or arrogance, leading to conflict.
By seeing the protective function behind these behaviours, we can focus on healing the wound beneath the armour, not just on managing the armour itself.
Borderline traits: Can create cycles of closeness and conflict, often linked with fears of abandonment.
Antisocial traits: Is often associated with a disregard for rules, deception, and aggression.
Histrionic traits: Appears as emotional expressiveness and shifting identity that can lead to misunderstandings in relationships.
The “Relationship Weather”
It may be helpful to think of Cluster B traits as types of weather:
Borderline traits can appear as a sudden storm: intense and overwhelming, but it passes quickly.
Narcissistic traits are like the blazing sun: energising from afar, but get too close and it may burn.
Antisocial traits are a cold wind: cutting through, often without concern for others.
Histrionic traits appear as a dramatic thunderstorm: striking and memorable but not always grounded.
Personality traits shape the climate of a relationship, not just individual moments.
Why Context Matters
Some behaviours that are often labelled “narcissistic” may actually be trauma adaptations or protective strategies developed to manage a painful past. Similarly people who identify as neurodivergent people may have their actions misunderstood without context:
A person with autism may appear “cold” when they are actually masking or experiencing sensory overload.
Someone with trauma may use withdrawal or control strategies as ways to reassure themselves or fee safe.
By considering trauma and neurodiversity, the goal is to avoid pathologising differences and instead focus on someone’s function and impact.
Strength-Based Perspective
Even when traits are difficult, there are strengths:
Intensity can mean engaging in activities with passion and creativity.
Sensitivity can mean an opportunity for deep empathy when regulated.
Charisma can include the ability to inspire others.
Assertiveness can include protecting boundaries.
Therapy builds on these strengths while addressing patterns that cause distress.
Things That Can Help
Spot patterns, not labels
· Try to notice cycles like admiration, conflict, shame and withdrawal.
Think “armour over a wound”
· Sometimes looking at what the unmet need is behind a behaviour (e.g. confidence or entitlement may hide insecurity).
Use “traffic lights” for boundaries:
· Green = safe, respectful interactions
· Amber = warning signs (criticism, instability)
· Red = unsafe, step back or seek support
Support
If you notice painful, repeating patterns in your relationships, whether with partners, family, or colleagues, getting some additional outside support can help you:
Understand underlying patterns
Build skills for healthier communication and boundaries
Explore the impact of trauma or neurodivergence
The goal isn’t to label people as “good” or “bad,” instead, we want to provide a safe space to understand patterns, heal wounds, and grow stronger relationships.
