Why You Might Never Feel ‘Good Enough’: Perfectionism, Unrelenting Standards, and the Achievement Treadmill
Understanding the Drive to Always Do More
You tick off one goal after another, you get the promotion, the qualification, the compliment, but the satisfaction doesn’t last. You may even feel guilty when resting. Sound familiar? Many of us question whether we’ve ever done “enough.” Sound familiar?
Many people, especially high-achievers, struggle to feel fulfilled, even when they seem objectively successful. There are three key psychological concepts related to this experience: Perfectionism, Unrelenting Standards, and Hedonic Adaptation.
Perfectionism: When the Inner Critic Takes the Wheel
Perfectionism isn’t just “having high standards.” It’s a mental trap where our self-worth becomes entangled with flawless performance.
You might:
Beat yourself up over minor mistakes
Avoid starting projects you’re not sure you’ll excel at
Feel deeply anxious about how others perceive your efforts
Example: Think of a school principal in your head who never gives out an A+. No matter how well you do, it’s always, “Not quite good enough.”
Where It Comes From
Often shaped in childhood where experience of approval or acceptance is dependent on performance. We receive messages like, “You did well, I’m proud of you,” and in our mind, they subtly shift to, “You must do well to be loved.”
How Therapy Can Help
CBT thought challenging techniques can help us identify all-or-nothing thinking, and find “what is acceptable”, what would be “above average”, what we would consider “a good try”
We try to replacing harsh self-talk with self-compassion
Reframing our goals through a values-based lens and identify what is really important
Unrelenting Standards: The Invisible Taskmaster
This is deeper than perfectionism, it’s a schema, a core belief formed early in life, that tells you: “Nothing is ever enough. You must always do more.”
You might:
Feel guilty when you’re not productive, or engaged in “task based activities”
You might feel the need to constantly add new goals even after experiencing success
You could struggle to feel joy or pride in what you’ve achieved
Example: Imagine carrying an endless to-do list in your brain. Every time you cross one task off, two more appear.
Origin
Our schemas often develop in childhood, or later experiences with conditional love, high expectations, or a critical voice from those we care about. It’s also common in intergenerational dynamics, such as in immigrant or high-performance families.
How Therapy Can Help
Schema Therapy helps us explore the unmet needs behind the beliefs
We can use chair work, imagery or schema flash cards to soften the internal “critical parent”
DBT skills like Wise Mind and radical acceptance can help balance this internal drive
Hedonic Adaptation: The Emotional Treadmill
Ever feel thrilled about an achievement, only to feel “meh” days later? That’s hedonic adaptation at play, it’s a normal brain function where our emotional state quickly returns to baseline after a high or low.
You might:
Feel underwhelmed even after reaching big goals
Immediately seek a new challenge the following day
Rarely feel content with what you’ve already accomplished
Example: Picture running on a treadmill. Every time you reach a milestone, the speed increases. You’re being pushed by an unseen force to keep going.
Why It Happens
Our brains are wired to normalise success, especially in cultures that glorify productivity and comparison (think social media, performance reviews, hustle culture).
How Therapy Can Help
Practise gratitude and mindfulness to try to stay in the moment and stretch out experience of satisfaction
Focus on intrinsic values rather than external validation, focus on connection, creativity, or joy
Learn to savour the feeling of your wins, not just chasing them
How Do These Patterns Show Up in Your Life?
Ask yourself:
What do I say to myself when I succeed? What do I say to myself when I rest?
Do I feel safe, or accepted being “enough”?
Whose standards am I actually living by?
When It Becomes a Concern
Often these conditions can be helpful (feeling pushed to get that A), over performing at work. It’s when they become unhelpful, impacting your ability to turn in an assignment “until it’s just right”, or not wanting to speak up in a meeting, keeping you awake at night, impacting your relationships. These patterns can overlap with diagnosable conditions like:
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) – rigid control, order, perfectionism
Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – chronic worry about falling short
Depression – burnout and loss of joy from never feeling “good enough”
Neurodivergence (e.g., Autism, ADHD) – masking and burnout often mistaken for perfectionism
Some people are naturally conscientious, others learn to over-function in response to trauma, cultural pressure, or relational invalidation. Either way, recognising the origin of your inner drive is the first step to reclaiming balance.
A professional can help you clarify if these are traits, trauma responses, or both.
Relationships Matter
People around you can:
Reinforce these standards (e.g., only validating success)
Or help buffer them (e.g., accepting you when you're not “on”)
Healing often involves learning to receive, feel accepted, and experience unconditional regard.
Societal Pressures Fuel the Fire
We live in a world that teaches:
Rest = laziness
Productivity = worth
Perfection = safety
Especially for neurodivergent, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, or disabled individuals, “striving to do better, be more” can begin to feel like a survival strategy.
Practical Tips
Use journaling prompts like: “What did I do today / this week that mattered, not because it was impressive, but because it aligned with who I want to be?”
Try exposure tasks like deliberately finishing something to “just good enough”
Practise receiving a compliment, or praise without making a joke, don’t deflect, just accept it
Identify whose voices have shaped your beliefs, and whether you still need to live by them
