Why Public Holidays Can Stir Private Feelings
Public holidays are meant to be simple, day off work, a beach day, a barbecue, a chance to rest or catch up with people you care about. Yet, for many of us some public holidays bring a surprising mix of emotions; irritation, sadness, guilt, discomfort, or a vague sense of being “on edge” without quite knowing why. Australia Day is one of those days that often feels louder on the inside than we expect.
Public Holidays Aren’t Emotionally Neutral
Often dates on a calendar don’t just mark time, they carry meaning. Research over the last decade has shown that shared rituals like national holidays can act as emotional amplifiers, they turn up the volume on feelings already present beneath the surface. Dates, flags, and national songs act as cues, shaping how we feel and remember, activating collective memories, cultural values, and a sense of shared history.
These symbols also strengthen social identity, the psychological process through which we define ourselves as part of a group. When we engage with nationally significant dates, we often experience a heightened sense of belonging, continuity, and meaning rooted in a shared narrative. This is why national holidays can evoke pride, reflection, grief, or unity rather than remaining emotionally neutral events.
The Reflection
Public holidays are like mirrors; they don’t show the same image to everyone. For some, they reflect belonging and pride, for others, absence or pain. The day doesn’t cause emotion; it reminds our body and mind of where we stand in relation to others.
Belonging, Safety, And Our Nervous System
Humans are wired to constantly scan for cues of safety and belonging. This happens largely outside conscious awareness. Group rituals can signal “you’re part of this” to some nervous systems and “you don’t quite fit here” to others. Factors that influence this include:
Personal or family experiences of exclusion or marginalisation
Cultural or intergenerational trauma
Neurodivergence, where sensory overload and disrupted routines already tax regulation systems
Values conflicts between personal ethics and public celebration
From a trauma-informed perspective, safety isn’t just about physical threat, it’s also about emotional and cultural safety. When a public event feels inclusive, our nervous system may settle. When a day symbolises something that clashes with our lived experience or values, our body can respond with tension, withdrawal, irritability, or fatigue, even if our rational mind says, “It’s just a public holiday.” It’s a nervous system doing what it evolved to do.
When Enjoyment And Discomfort Collide
One of the most common struggles people describe is internal conflict. When your behaviour doesn’t match your values, you may experience cognitive dissonance and moral stress. Examples of this conflict include:
Appreciating the day off work and still feeling uneasy about what a date represents.
You might enjoy time with friends and also feel sadness or anger underneath.
You might feel pressure to appear relaxed and cheerful while carrying something heavier inside.
Naming the conflict (“This day brings mixed feelings for me”) can reduce inner strain and self-judgement.
Practical Strategies
These are not therapy techniques, just strategies you find helpful.
Lower the volume, not the meaning
You’re allowed to limit exposure to distressing debates, imagery, or noisy events. Reducing stimulation is regulation, not avoidance.
Separate rest from endorsement
You can take a day off without agreeing with every aspect of the day’s symbolism.
Create your own micro-ritual
A walk in nature, a call with a supportive person, a quiet reflection, or participating in a values-aligned community event can restore agency.
Plan boundaries for tricky conversations
A script can help: “I respect we see this differently. I’m not up for a big discussion today; happy to share a resource later.”
Anchor in what matters to you
Ask: “What would make today meaningful or peaceful for me?” You might rest, learn, donate, connect with community, or spend time in nature.
After the day passes
Ask: “What came up? What helped? What would I change next year?” Dates repeat, learning what worked or didn’t this year can serve as information for the next, small adjustments count more than perfect answers.
Ride The Wave
Think of emotions like waves; holidays are tides, predictable, powerful, and variable. You don’t have to stop the ocean. You can learn how to steady your footing and ride what comes.
A final word
If a date or holiday brings up unexpected feelings for you, you’re not broken, ungrateful, or alone. You’re responding to layers of meaning shaped by history, identity, values, and experience. You don’t need to justify your reaction or align yourself with anyone else; it’s not something you need to “fix”. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” try “What makes sense about how I feel today?”
Emotional stability begins with giving yourself permission to feel, reflect, and respond in ways that honour your body, values, and pace.
