What Is Masking?
The Hidden Strain of ‘Fitting In’
In everyday social settings, many neurodivergent people wear a kind of invisible mask.
Masking, also called camouflaging, refers to consciously or unconsciously hiding natural neurodivergent traits to appear more “neurotypical”. It’s not about faking or lying, it’s often a survival strategy. For many it begins in childhood and can become second nature without them even realising it. While masking might help someone get by socially, the emotional and psychological toll can be huge, making interactions with others exhausting.
What Does Masking Look Like?
Masking can show up in all sorts of ways. Sometimes it’s obvious, but often it’s incredibly subtle. It’s not just what someone says, it’s also how they move, listen, and even how they sit or dress.
Here are some real-world examples:
Mimicking (Compensation)
Copying facial expressions, gestures, or tone of voice.
Rehearsing conversations in your head before a social event.
Adopting a different speaking style to fit the crowd.
Example: You see everyone laugh at a joke you don’t understand, so you laugh too, just to keep up.
Suppressing (Masking)
Forcing eye contact even when it feels intrusive or painful.
Hiding stimming behaviours like hand-flapping, tapping, or rocking.
Pushing through sensory overwhelm without saying a word.
Example: You're stuck in a noisy lunchroom, grinning while every sound feels like a hammer in your brain.
Pretending (Assimilation)
Avoiding your real interests because they’re seen as “too intense”.
Acting “chattier” or more extroverted than you feel.
Creating a version of yourself for work or school that doesn’t match how you feel inside.
Example: You spend days preparing for a five-minute work meeting and crash from exhaustion afterwards.
The Emotional Cost
While masking might make social life feel “smoother,” it’s draining. It requires constant effort to monitor and adjust your behaviour, like being in a play where you can’t leave the stage.
Over time, masking can lead to:
Burnout: intense exhaustion that makes even basic tasks feel overwhelming.
Anxiety and depression: especially when masking becomes a way of life.
Loss of identity: wondering who you are without the mask.
Delayed diagnosis: masking can hide key traits that professionals rely on for assessment.
“I thought everyone was pretending their way through the day. I didn’t realise other people were just being themselves.”
Why Do People Mask?
Often, masking is learned early, sometimes after being punished or shamed for being “different”.
People may mask to:
Avoid bullying or punishment at school
Keep jobs or relationships
Meet family or cultural expectations
Escape being labelled “rude,” “too much,” or “not normal”
Masking is also shaped by culture, gender, and environment. Research shows women, nonbinary individuals, and people of colour are often more likely to mask, and for longer, due to extra social pressures.
Masking Isn’t Always a Choice
Some aspects of masking are deeply ingrained. Often it comes from years of being explicitly taught to behave “a certain way”, through school rules, parenting, or social feedback. Other parts develop by watching movies and observing other people and learning what’s expected.
This means masking can be:
Conscious: like rehearsing a conversation or forcing a smile.
Subconscious: like mirroring someone’s tone without even realising it.
It can seep into speech patterns, body language, facial expressions, and even the topics you allow yourself to talk about.
How to Recognise If You’re Masking
Many people don’t realise they’ve been masking until they receive a diagnosis or reach burnout. Here are some signs:
You might be masking if:
You mimic others’ mannerisms or speech without thinking about it.
You script your interactions in advance.
You feel like you’re “acting” in most social situations.
You suppress natural behaviours, like stimming or avoiding eye contact.
You feel emotionally flat or disconnected after being around people.
You struggle to know what “being yourself” even means.
“At work, I’m the bubbly team player. At home, I go hours without saying a word.”
Taking off the mask?
Unmasking isn’t a switch you flip; it’s a process. It’s also not always possible or safe to fully unmask in every setting. Our goal is to start to become aware of when and why you’re masking, this way you can take the first step towards more authentic, affirming relationships, with others and with yourself.
Here’s how to start:
Identify spaces where you feel safe being yourself.
Explore your sensory needs and allow stimming or other regulatory behaviours.
Talk to others who understand, peer support matters.
Challenge internalised beliefs that your natural way of being is “wrong”.
“Masking is not a flaw. It’s a response to a world that wasn’t built for you. You don’t have to perform to be worthy.”
Additional Resources
Dr. Megan Anna Neff. Neurodivergent Insights. www.neurodivergentinsights.com
If you’ve recently been diagnosed or are exploring your identity, know this: masking helped you survive. But you deserve more than survival, you deserve to exist as your full, real self.
