Understanding Your Window of Tolerance
A Guide to Emotional Regulation and Trauma Recovery
Have you ever felt too overwhelmed to function? Maybe you’ve snapped at someone unexpectedly, felt frozen during a conversation, or spent hours feeling numb after a stressful day. These are all signs you might be outside your window of tolerance. The window can be a helpful way of visualising how our nervous system responds to stress, trauma, and the world around us.
In trauma-informed therapy, we use this concept to support how we regulate our emotions, how we can build self-awareness, and help return to a state of internal calm or sense of safety.
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
Coined by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, the “Window of Tolerance” describes the range where we can see. If we’re above or below the window we may be “blocked” in one way or another. Think about the window as a range of emotional arousal where we can:
Think clearly
Feel connected to ourselves and others
Cope with stress without shutting down or becoming overwhelmed
This is where our nervous system feels more comfortable. It’s the place where our body and brain feel safe and can function well.
When You’re Outside the Window
When stress becomes too much, or when something reminds our nervous system of past trauma, we can be pushed outside of this zone. This can look like one of two things:
Hyperarousal (too much energy):
Your nervous system is stuck in high gear.
We might feel anxious, panicky, angry, overwhelmed, restless, or hypervigilant, like our body is stuck with the gas pedal pressed down. We can’t relax, our mind feels like it’s racing and we’re on high alert. You may notice:
Fast heartbeat or racing thoughts
Irritability or emotional flooding
Feeling unsafe, edgy, or overstimulated
Trouble sitting still or relaxing
Example: A loud noise startles you, and you stay on edge for hours.
Hypoarousal (too little energy):
Your nervous system has gone into a kind of shutdown.
This is when we might feel numb, flat, disconnected, frozen, or shut down, like our system has slammed on the brakes. Think of a deer caught in the headlights, we’re so scared, we don’t know what way to turn. You may notice:
Emotional numbness or blankness
Slowed thinking or movement
Feeling disconnected from yourself or others
Low energy or foggy awareness
Example: After socialising, you feel completely flat and can’t manage simple tasks.
Neither of these feelings are signs of weakness, they are protective states our body uses to survive stress or danger.
“Our nervous system isn’t misbehaving. It’s doing what it was designed to do: protect us.”
— Fisher, 2021
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Here are some everyday scenarios that show when we’re within or outside our window of tolerance:
A child throws a tantrum
In the window: You take a breath and respond calmly
Outside the window: You snap, shut down, or freeze
You’re in a crowded shopping centre
In the window: You pace yourself and take breaks
Outside the window: You feel panicked, dissociate, or leave suddenly
You’re having a tough conversation
In the window: You stay grounded and listen
Outside the window: You lash out, go blank, or retreat emotionally
After a long workday
In the window: You rest, decompress, and recover
Outside the window: You cry, melt down, or emotionally shut down
Why Trauma Can Shrink the Window
If you’ve experienced trauma, whether in childhood, relationships, community, or one-off events, our window of tolerance might become narrower (like someone closing the blinds). This means even small stressors can feel overwhelming or lead to shutdown.
This happens because:
The body hasn’t completed the stress cycle
Our brain remains in a heightened state of alert
Our nervous system no longer feels consistently safe
“The window narrows not because we’re weak, but because we’ve had to survive.”
— Brown, Tan & Yee, 2025
Just like building our tolerance to pick up weights at the gym through repetition, we can build up our window of tolerance, and safe relationships can all help gently widen this window over time.
Neurodivergence and the Window
Neurodivergence can mean experiencing sensory sensitivities and can cause people move in and out of their window of tolerance more frequently. This doesn’t mean something is wrong, it reflects a different rhythm.
Here are some common neurodivergent experiences that affect the window:
Masking (camouflaging traits) can drain nervous system energy and lead to emotional burnout or shutdowns
Sensory overload may trigger hyperarousal (fight/flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown)
Executive fatigue may lead to zoning out, disconnection, or an inability to act
Instead of trying to “fix” these states, we support regulation by:
Adjusting the environment to meet sensory and cognitive needs
Building co-regulation scaffolds with safe others
Offering space and validation, rather than shame
“Neurodivergence isn’t dysregulation, it’s a unique rhythm of regulation.”
— Mahajan et al., 2020
Your window may be smaller or shaped differently, and that’s okay.
You might benefit more from:
Predictable environments
Flexible expectations
Sensory tools (e.g., noise-cancelling headphones, soft clothing)
Validation instead of pressure to conform
Time alone after social interaction
Shutdowns, meltdowns, and burnout aren’t failures. They’re signals from a system that needs support, not shame.
How to Return to Your Window (Gently)
You don’t need to force your way back into regulation. Your nervous system already knows how to calm, it may just need support.
Try these strategies:
Breathwork: Focus on longer out-breaths (e.g., breathe in for 4, out for 6)
Movement: Stretch, walk, sway, rock, or shake tension out
Sound: Calming music, white noise, nature sounds
Sensory anchors: Use comforting textures, grounding scents, weighted items
Co-regulation: Speak with someone safe or just sit with them in silence
Naming it: “I think I’m outside my window” can bring mindfulness and choice
“Practising these tools while you’re in your window strengthens your ability to use them when you’re not.”
— Vinci et al., 2021
Why Systemic Safety Matters
It’s important to recognise that the window of tolerance isn’t only shaped by internal factors.
People affected by:
Racism
Colonisation
Poverty
Chronic illness or disability
Gender-based violence
Ongoing oppression or marginalisation
...may live in a state of chronic arousal or freeze, simply because their nervous system doesn’t feel safe in the world.
This model must include:
Cultural norms around expression and regulation
Collective trauma and intergenerational wounds
Structural factors that impact nervous system safety
“Regulation isn’t just personal, it’s also political, relational, and collective.”
— Olff et al., 2025
Saying “I’m Out of My Window” Is Brave
There’s power in naming your state without judgement. Whether you’re a parent, partner, student, or worker, learning to say:
“I’m out of my window right now.”
This can help you
Reduce shame
Communicate your needs
Pause instead of react
Build a new pattern of self-compassion
Your window may be narrow, shifting, or shaped by past experience, that doesn’t make you any less worthy of care. The goal isn’t to be regulated all the time, but rather to notice when you’re outside your window, and know how to return.
