the Sunk Cost Fallacy
Why is it so hard to walk away, even when something isn’t working anymore?
Many of us keep investing time, energy, or money into something long after it’s stopped serving us, a job that’s burning us out, a relationship that’s no longer healthy, or a project that’s lost its spark.
We tell ourselves:
“I’ve come this far; I can’t stop now.”
“I don’t want it all to have been for nothing.”
This thinking is sometimes part of “sunk cost fallacy”, a common mental trap that can keep us stuck because of how much we’ve already invested rather than how much we are gaining.
What Is the Sunk Cost Fallacy?
The sunk cost fallacy happens when we keep going with something, not because it’s still worthwhile, but because of what we’ve already invested in the past. Those past investments, time, money, emotional energy, are “sunk” costs: they can’t be recovered, no matter what we do, and it can make it hard to walk away.
You may have heard this as “throwing good money after bad”. It’s a type of cognitive bias, a thinking pattern that can cloud our judgment, and it shows up lots of different environments; in economics, construction, relationships, workplaces, and our personal goals.
Why We Fall Into the Trap
Several factors can make it harder to let go:
Loss Aversion – We fear wasting what we’ve already invested.
Guilt, Duty, and Obligation – We’ve been taught quitting means failure or selfishness.
Hope and Over-optimism – We believe things will get better if we just hold on.
Avoiding Discomfort – Letting go can feel like failure.
Social Pressure – We worry about what others will think.
Emotional Attachment – We love what it used to be.
Neurodivergent Processing – For some of us, change can feel overwhelming or exhausting.
Trauma Responses – Past experiences may teach us to stay in familiar (even harmful) situations.
Examples in Everyday Life
Continuing to watch a movie you dislike because you paid for the ticket.
Staying in a job that harms your wellbeing because of years of service.
Practising an instrument you no longer enjoy because you’ve invested years of lessons.
Holding on to a relationship despite ongoing harm or unmet needs.
A Word on Relationships
Letting go doesn’t always mean leaving. It might mean:
Re-setting boundaries.
Adjusting emotional investment.
Letting go of unrealistic expectations.
But sometimes, it does mean walking away, and that’s okay.
Questions to ask yourself:
Is this healthy and supportive?
Are my needs being met?
Do I feel safe and respected?
Are we working toward shared goals?
If you answer “no” to many of these, it might be time to re-evaluate your investment.
Breaking Free From the Sunk Cost
Step 1: Check your thinking
Ask: Am I holding on because it’s good for me now, or because of what I’ve already invested?
Step 2: Get objective
What is this costing me right now?
What might I gain in the future if I stay, based on evidence, not just hope?
Step 3: Use the Past–Present–Future Check
Past Investment – The resources already spent (gone forever).
Current Cost – The toll it’s taking now (emotional, physical, financial).
Future Benefit – The realistic gains from continuing.
If the cost is high, the past is weighing you down, and the future benefit looks small, it may be time to change direction.
Step 4: Seek Another Perspective
Talk to someone you trust who can offer an alternative, compassionate view.
Reframe Sunk Cost Thinking
Recognising and challenging the sunk cost fallacy can help you:
Identify the patterns – Sometimes, we’re not aware we’re making decisions based on past investments rather than current reality.
Work with emotions, not against them – Letting go isn’t just a rational decision; it’s an emotional one. Therapy can help you sit with discomfort, grief, or guilt that comes with changing course.
Challenge unhelpful beliefs – Such as “quitting means I’ve failed” or “I owe it to them to stay.”
Build decision-making skills – Learning structured reflection tools like the Past–Present–Future Check or Values Alignment Worksheet.
Plan the next steps safely – Whether that’s setting boundaries, gradually reducing investment, or making a clean break.
Career Context
Imagine feeling stuck in a high-stress corporate job you’ve had for 15 years. Think about “throwing away” your hard-earned status, comparing the current costs (burnout, strained relationships, health impacts) against the realistic future benefits. Would your rather stay? Or consider transitioning to a role that aligned better with your values and lifestyle?
Relationship Context
Consider a long-term relationship that no longer meets your emotional needs. Does leaving mean “wasting” your years together? Or could you see your relationship as a meaningful chapter that has taught you about your needs and boundaries. Would a different perspective help you leave with self-respect and clarity, rather than regret?
Letting Go Isn’t Failure. It’s Growth.
Choosing to stop investing in something that no longer serves you is not giving up; it’s redirecting your energy toward what matters now. As psychologist Thema Bryant reminds us we can take a dialectical perspective:
“You can miss something deeply and still choose to let it go.”
