Reframing Barriers
“I can look at a tree blocking my path as a barrier, or as an opportunity to learn how to jump.”
The Power of Perspective
Mental health challenges often feel like immovable roadblocks, depression, anxiety, trauma, or stress can box us in. But what if the very obstacles we fear aren’t in the way, they are the way?
This idea isn’t just poetic. It’s practical. Inspired by Stoic philosophy, modern psychology, and therapies like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), reframing our perspective turns pain into progress, and barriers into bridges.
See It Differently
Perception is everything. Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and Stoic thinker, wrote: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Our reactions are more important than our circumstances. DBT founder Marsha Linehan put it best:
“We can’t control everything, but we can control how we respond.”
Here’s what that means in practice:
Obstacle: “I can’t control the things in my environment that make me anxious.”
Reframe: “But I can practise breathing and choose not to act on it.”
Just like that, the challenge shifts from a wall to a stepping stone.
Action Over Avoidance
It’s easy to freeze in front of adversity, but even tiny steps, getting out of bed, making a call, going outside, can break the cycle that makes us feel stuck.
This echoes the DBT skill of opposite action. When you feel like isolating, you connect. When panic tells you to avoid, once you’ve completed a risk assessment, you move toward the fear (safely and gradually). Our action can fuel momentum.
Example: Lost your job? Instead of spiralling, consider learning a new skill, volunteering, or reframing the time as recovery.
Remind yourself: “I can’t control the storm, but I can adjust my sails.”
Willpower and Acceptance
Will, in both Stoicism and DBT, is the quiet strength that shows up when nothing else works. It’s what keeps you going when results are slow or when progress feels invisible.
This is where distress tolerance comes in, using skills like grounding, distraction, and self-soothing to manage the painful moments without making things worse.
This is not about denying our pain, it’s about using it. As Marcus Aurelius suggested, adversity trains our character, teaching resilience, courage, and patience.
Amor Fati (Love What Is)
The Stoic phrase amor fati means “love of fate.” It doesn’t mean enjoying suffering but embracing it as part of your journey.
When things gets tough, your emotions overwhelm you, or life seems unfair, instead of asking “Why me?”, ask “What now?”
Example: Edison’s factory burned down. His response? “It’s all right. We’ve just got rid of a lot of rubbish.”
Self-Awareness Vs Regulation
DBT teaches us to observe emotions non-judgementally and respond thoughtfully.
Self-awareness: “I notice I’m overwhelmed.”
Self-regulation: “Let me skills to calm down before I speak.”
This builds a wise mind, a balance of emotion and logic, so you don’t just react, you can choose how to respond.
Turning Triggers Into Teachers
It’s common to hear: “This trigger ruined my day.” but situations and our environment aren’t our enemies, they’re data. They show you where the healing still has to happen.
· Reframe: “This setback isn’t a failure, it’s feedback.”
Instead of spiralling, you step back and observe. We can’t control our environment, but his is how we can embrace our real power.
Practical Examples: Real-Life Reframes
Think about the following examples:
· Barrier: “My anxiety ruins everything.”
o Reframe: “It’s my chance to practise calm.”
· Barrier: “People don’t understand me.”
o Reframe: “This is an opportunity to educate or find support.”
· Barrier: “Life is hard.”
o Reframe: “Hard things grow strong people.”
· Barrer: “I keep relapsing.”
o Reframe: “Each time, I learn something new.”
These aren’t affirmations, they’re tools. Reframing changes your story, and your story shapes your outcome.
Learning About Resilience
Stoicism and DBT both tech us: “You are not your circumstances. You are your choices.”
Even when everything feels out of control, your job, relationships, mental state, there’s always one thing in your hands: your response. The way we choose to respond builds our identity.
Make the Obstacle the Path
You don’t need to be fearless. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to start with one thing: a new perspective.
“What stands in the way becomes the way.”
When life places a tree in your path, don’t just see a wall, see a ladder, or a training ground, an opportunity to learn a new lesson. Mental health is not about avoiding the storm. It’s about learning to sail through it.
Reading -
Holiday, R. (2024). The Obstacle is the Way Expanded 10th Anniversary Edition: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. Random House Large Print.
