Memory Isn’t a Recording
Can We Trust Our Memories?
We often look back on the past, childhood moments, relationships, or significant events, and find ourselves asking:
“Did it really happen like that?”
“Why does my memory feel vivid, but others don’t remember it?”
“If the details are fuzzy, does that mean my pain isn’t valid?”
The answer is reassuring, memory is not a flawless recording. It’s more like a story your brain rebuilds each time you recall it. This doesn’t mean your experience isn’t real. In fact, your emotional truth, how the event shaped you, can be more important for healing than the exact details.
Memory as Reconstruction, Not Replay
It’s tempting to think of memory like pressing play on a video. In reality, it’s more like rebuilding a Lego tower or piecing together a puzzle. Each time you recall an event, your brain reconstructs it using:
Feelings – what the event meant to you.
Context – where you were, who you were with.
Beliefs – what you understood about the world at that time.
Social input – stories told by others, photographs, or retellings.
Sometimes pieces are missing, borrowed from others, or shifted in shape. The tower may look slightly different each time, but it still represents something important.
Metaphors To Help Us Understand Memory
Puzzle: Some pieces fit perfectly, others are missing or borrowed, but an overall picture emerges.
Wikipedia Page: Memory can be edited over time, by us and by the influence of others.
Patchwork Quilt: Made of vivid and faded scraps, stitched with emotions, creating meaning even if parts are incomplete.
What Science Says About Memory Fallibility
Recent psychological and neuroscience research highlights:
Reconstruction, not reproduction – memory is an active rebuild, not a playback.
Emotional distortion – stress and trauma can make memories sharper in fragments and foggier elsewhere.
Misinformation effect – questions, suggestions, or repeated stories can alter the details of what we remember.
Neuroimaging evidence – real and imagined memories activate overlapping brain regions, meaning our brain can struggle to see the difference.
Overgeneral memory – is a common experience for PTSD and depression (where memory details may be vague but still emotionally charged).
Reconsolidation – recalling a memory temporarily makes it flexible, which is why therapeutic techniques like EMDR can help reshape its emotional impact.
Memory and Trauma: A Normal Response
If you’ve experienced trauma, your memories may feel:
Fragmented or incomplete.
Overly vivid, like reliving the moment.
Foggy, dreamlike, or confusing.
Emotionally overwhelming, even if factually unclear.
This isn’t a flaw; it’s your brain prioritising survival. During trauma, your nervous system isn’t focused on perfect record-keeping. Emotional truth still matters, even when details are uncertain.
Working With Memory
Processing your memories doesn’t require perfect recall. Instead, it focuses on:
Understanding how your memories shape your beliefs and relationships.
Exploring patterns that keep you stuck.
Creating safety and meaning, even if details remain unclear.
Most therapy tends to avoid techniques that risk distorting memory, such as hypnosis for “recovery” or past-life regression.
Healing Without Perfect Memory
You don’t need every detail to be believed. Healing is about:
Recognising that gaps are normal.
Validating your feelings, even when the facts are fuzzy.
Building self-compassion and emotional safety.
Reframing memory as meaning, not evidence.
Try telling yourself:
“Even if the memory has changed, it still holds truth.”
“My story matters, even if it’s blurry.”
“I can heal without remembering everything.”
Emotional Truth Matters
“Just because a memory isn’t 100% accurate doesn’t mean it isn’t 100% important.”
Your experiences shaped who you are today, your feelings are valid. Your healing is possible, even if the timeline isn’t crystal clear. Our goal is to focus less on courtroom-style accuracy and more on emotional truth, safety, and growth.
