Handle Halloween Without Losing Your Head
As Halloween grows in popularity across Australia, many of us are navigating more than just costumes and candy. Behind the spooky decorations and sugar highs, this time of year can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, especially if we’re already managing sensitive nervous systems, difficulties with emotional regulation, or complex relationship dynamics.
We often find ourselves torn between wanting to join in the fun and quietly hoping the whole event floats away like a helium balloon. For those of us who struggle with reading internal body cues, conflict, or saying “no” without guilt, Halloween can quickly feel more like a trick than a treat.
Noticing the “Ghosts” Within: Interoception and Body Cues
Imagine your body as a haunted house. Interoception (our ability to notice internal signals like hunger, tension, or a racing heart), is how we detect what’s going on inside. Some of us have ultra-sensitive ghost detectors. Others, through no fault of our own, may have faulty wiring and when we sense the lights flicker, but we’re not sure if it's a problem with the electrical circuit or a ghost upstairs.
On Halloween night, when the doorbell rings ten times in half an hour, kids scream with delight on the footpath, and our sugar intake spikes, our internal cues can become scrambled. We may not notice our shoulders creeping towards our ears, or how fast our heart is racing, until suddenly we’re ready to shout at the next poor vampire or fairy princess knocking at our door.
Try a “haunted house check-in” to test your emotional state before the ghost jumps out. We might pause every half-hour to ask:
Am I buzzing, shaky, or flat?
Is my jaw tight? Shoulders high?
Am I hungry or just overstimulated?
Research shows that improving interoceptive awareness can help with regulating our
Costumes, Masks, and the Masks We Already Wear
Halloween is the one night of the year where masks are encouraged, but for many of us (especially with trauma history or neurodivergence), masking isn’t just a costume choice. We may already spend our days hiding parts of ourselves to fit in, over-preparing for conversations, or smiling when we’re not okay. While this helps us survive in the short term, research suggests it can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout. If we’re always masking, Halloween can feel like one more performance. We might smile at the neighbours, laugh at the spooky music, and pretend we’re relaxed, at the same time our knuckles are white with tension and our stomach is tied in knots.
Here’s the treat, we don’t need to play the whole partwe might experiment with setting one mask down:
· Pick one thing that feels genuine.
· Choose a comfortable costume instead of the itchy witch’s hat.
· Setting boundaries like switching off the porch light at 7 pm with a sign that says “Thanks for visiting” or saying “No” to a loud party and yes to a quiet night.
· Asking for help with the lolly handouts instead of doing it alone
· Self-Care and taking a walk after the door-knocking frenzy has passed.
Small acts of authenticity build trust with ourselves and remind us we don’t have to perform to be accepted.
Spiders, Sticky Webs, and Relationship Guilt
Sometimes relationships feel like invisible spiderwebs, we sense others’ emotions and can feel tangled up in them. High sensitivity can be a strength, but it can also create feelings of rejection sensitivity or an urge to “fix” everything.
On Halloween, this might be feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions. Maybe our partner is frustrated by the chaos, or our friend wants to go out longer than we’d planned. We notice their emotions instantly, and like sticky webbing, we feel we need to smooth it over, repair it, and keep the peace, even if it costs us our own sense of calm.
This is rejection sensitivity at work: that deep fear that if we set a boundary, we’ll be blamed, abandoned, or “too much.”
The truth is, webs are meant to be sticky, but they’re also temporary, positive relationships can withstand a little tension. We might say:
“I hear you want to stay out later. I need us home by 8pm. Let’s plan something fun for tomorrow.”
“I can see you’re upset. I’ll take five minutes to reset and then come back to talk.”
Boundaries don’t break connection, they protect it and help us keep the fun sustainable.
When Conflict Feels Like a Horror Film: Emotional Regulation Tools
Halloween has bats, and our brains can have belfries, (high towers where worries and fears like to flap around noisily). Conflict is often the moment the bats escape; our heart races, words tumble out faster than we can catch them, and before we know it, the night is more horror film than family comedy.
Conflict can activate our fight-flight-freeze response, especially if we’ve learned that disagreement equals danger. Suddenly we’re yelling, shutting down, or replaying the moment for hours.
We might find ourselves thinking, “Why can’t I just keep calm?” The answer lies in emotional regulation. Just like we’d never expect ourselves to run a marathon without training, we can’t expect to face Halloween stress without practising small, daily strategies:
Bat break: Step outside, inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 and wiggle your toes to feel your feet in your shoes.
Pumpkin pause: Imagine holding a small pumpkin in your hands, something firm, grounded, a little silly, and let that weight remind us to slow down.
Sweet swap: Trade the impulse to shout with the choice to step away, just as we might swap lollies with a friend.
Conflict will happen, but it doesn’t need to dominate the night.
Choosing Treats over Tricks: The Art of Saying “No”
Halloween is built on the phrase “trick or treat”, but as we get older, we often forget we get to choose our own treats.
Think of boundaries as handing out treats: we’re offering something kind, but not everything. A simple script might be:
“We’re not doing trick-or-treat this year but have a lovely evening!”
“We’re keeping it quiet tonight, thank you for understanding.”
Boundaries can be sweet when they’re clear, kind, and consistent. If guilt shows up, it may be because we’re doing something new.
Aftercare: From Horror Movie to Cozy Ending
After the costumes and chaos, our nervous systems crave calm and we need to bring things to a close gently, like the credits rolling after a jump-scare film.
Try:
A warm shower to reset the senses and wash off the night.
Cosy pyjamas and a calming drink (peppermint tea, warm milk, or even just water).
A light-hearted or silly comedy instead of a horror film, letting laughter replace tension.
A few deep breaths with a hand on our chest, reminding ourselves we’ve made it through another year.
Tip: Journalling your “emotional weather” after strategies can help track patterns over time. Consider it your cool-down after the emotional workout.
