From Appearance to Ability
Why Body Image Matters for Wellbeing
In today’s image-saturated world, it’s easy to forget that our bodies are not ornaments, they’re instruments for living. From filtered selfies to “before and after” photos, society often links worth to appearance, but psychology research increasingly shows that how we think about our bodies profoundly shapes how we live within them.
When our self-worth is based on appearance, motivation becomes fragile. When we value the body for its function, its strength, mobility, and sensory experience, we build a sense of internal reward: motivation grounded in meaning rather than approval. If we can focus on autonomy, competence, and connection as our priorities, we can improve wellbeing. When we have experienced trauma, or have a mental health diagnosis, safety, agency, and self-trust are central to recovery.
What Is External Validation?
External validation refers to seeking approval, praise, or acceptance from others to feel “good enough.” It can sound like:
“You’ve lost weight, you look great!”
“You’re so disciplined!”
“You should be proud of your willpower.”
While often well-intentioned, these comments can make our worth conditional. We start chasing reassurance, likes, numbers, or compliments, to feel okay. Over time, this pattern can lead to anxiety, self-objectification, and burnout. Think of external validation like applause at a concert: uplifting but short-lived. When the clapping stops, we’re left seeking the next round.
Internal Reward: Motivation That Lasts
In contrast, internal reward comes from acting in line with our own values and needs. It might sound like:
“I felt proud that I went for a walk, it helped my mood.”
“I ate a balanced meal that kept my energy steady.”
“I stretched because it felt freeing, not punishing.”
Recent studies show that people who focus on internal motivation, enjoyment, meaning, or health, are more consistent in self-care and behaviours that support their wellbeing. Replacing “should” thoughts like “I should look better” with values-based intentions such as “I want to feel strong and grounded” can make self-growth feel kinder and more achievable.
Body Functionality: What the Research Shows
Psychologists call this focus body functionality, valuing your body for what it allows you to do, rather than how it looks. Research consistently links body functionality with improved body image, higher self-esteem, and reduced challenges with eating habits.
Examples of body functionality might include:
Your legs carrying you through a walk.
Your lungs breathing through stress.
Your hands preparing food or comforting a loved one.
For trauma survivors, paying attention to what the body can do can help rebuild trust, choice, and a sense of safety. For some people, this is easier than “listening to your body,” particularly when internal signals (like hunger or tension) are hard to read. In those moments, it can be more helpful to ask:
“What helps my body feel supported and regulated today?”
Why Appearance Goals Are Hard to Let Go
It’s normal to still care about how you look or to want body comfort, they’re not always about vanity, they’re a part of humanity. The goal isn’t always to eliminate appearance-based wishes but to explore their underlying meaning. Often, goals like “losing weight” represent deeper needs for safety, belonging, or control. It’s about separating these needs compassionately and aligning behaviour with wellbeing rather than punishment.
For example, do you want to look a certain way or feel confident and capable in daily life.
Trauma, Neurodivergence, and the Body
For many people who’ve experienced trauma or live with, connecting with your body can be complex. The body may represent a source of overwhelm, pain, or confusion. Interoception (the ability to sense internal signals) may be dulled or unpredictable. It could pacing and safety, noticing sensations slowly, calming the sympathetic nervous system to a point so you can feel social and engaged, and think clearly again. The aim is not to force body love but to rebuild body trust, one small, safe step at a time.
Everyday Strategies to Build Internal Reward
These are educational tools, not therapy prescriptions. Try what feels supportive and adapt at your own pace.
Reclaim your Body as an Ally
Shift the relationship with your body from something to fix to something to relate to. This could include thinking of your body “as a home, not a project.” This helps build self-trust and emotional safety over time.
Each day, try to notice one practical way your body supported you, without evaluating appearance or performance.
“My hands prepared a meal when I felt tired.” / “My legs carried me outside, even when my mood was low.”
Anchor Progress in Experience, Not Outcomes
Redefine how you assess progress based on internal signals, rather than visual change or external approval. Progress may show up as:
Increased self-respect
Improved energy
Reduced shame
Greater flexibility
Improved emotional regulation
This helps weaken unrelenting standards and approval-seeking patterns often addressed in Schema Therapy.
Regulation-Based Movement
Choose movement based on how it supports your emotional regulation, rather than focusing on punishing your body or on aesthetics. This might include:
Walking to reduce agitation
Stretching to release tension
Gentle activity to lift a low mood
This way movement becomes a support for your nervous system, rather than a form of self-correction.
Capability Tracking (Instead of Body Checking)
Shift your attention from mirrors, scales, or appearance checking to functional indicators of your wellbeing. Notice and track your:
Energy levels
Sleep quality
Concentration
Pain tolerance
Emotional steadiness
This reinforces internal reward by grounding your progress in lived experience rather than external judgements.
Ethical and Cultural Considerations
Not every body has the same opportunities for function. Chronic illness, disability, pain, or cultural context influence how each person relates to their body. Functionality appreciation isn’t about glorifying productivity or “perfect health”, it’s about recognising your body’s efforts, whatever they look like. For some, functionality might mean:
Managing pain or fatigue.
Breathing through a panic attack.
Navigating sensory overload.
Each of these is valid, valuable work.
The Body as a Home, Not a Project
Imagine your body as a lifelong home. Over the years, you may have renovated to please others, painted walls for approval, rearranged rooms to fit expectations, but what if, instead of constant renovation, you began decorating for your comfort? Maybe that’s softer lighting, more rest, or simply gratitude for the structure that shelters you. This is the essence of internal reward, reclaiming your home, on your terms.
Bringing It All Together
Shifting from “What do I look like?” to “What can I do?” isn’t about ignoring appearance, it’s about expanding the conversation. It honours health, autonomy, and lived experience, the goal is to invite curiosity, compassion, and respect for the body as it is, not as it “should” be.
When we move from external validation to internal reward, we create sustainable self-worth, rooted in experience, not approval.
