Feeling Better vs Living Better: Two Maps for Wellbeing
Sometimes, we reach for something comforting: a warm drink, a funny video, a walk in the sun. Other times, we long for something deeper, a sense that life feels meaningful, that we’re part of something, or that we’re growing in ways that matter. Many people notice times when feeling better doesn’t automatically mean living well. One of the ways we can describe these experiences through two perspectives:
Hedonic wellbeing, the comfort of relief, pleasure, or calm.
Eudaimonic wellbeing, the steadiness that comes from living in line with what matters.
Recognising both perspectives can help make sense of why progress doesn’t always feel linear, and why recovery, growth, or adaptation often move at different speeds.
When Feeling Better Matters Most
Feeling better, or hedonic wellbeing, involves comfort, safety, and emotional release. It’s the lift of laughter or the exhale of relief. It can come from relaxation, indulgence, delight, or a sense of ease. This may include moments such as:
finding calm after stress
resting without guilt
laughing with someone safe
experiencing reduced overwhelm
Research supports that hedonic wellbeing can help stabilise emotional regulation and reduce physiological stress. For those recovering from trauma, burnout, or sensory overload, comfort isn’t indulgence, it’s a sign our nervous system is starting to return to safety.
When Living Better Emerges
Eudaimonic wellbeing relates to meaning, identity, purpose, connection and personal growth. It might show up as a quiet sense of connection or the satisfaction of contributing to something bigger than yourself. It might include:
acting in line with our personal values, even when the act is uncomfortable or challenging
rebuilding trust, or setting clear boundaries
finding belonging that feels authentic
returning to valued roles or routines at a gentle pace
Eudaimonic wellbeing often co-exists with discomfort or overcoming difficulty. Research suggests that people experience a stronger sense of identity and purpose when life feels coherent, even if not consistently pleasant. Living well isn’t about forcing positivity, it’s about finding an alignment between our actions that fits with our values, and self-respect.
Relief and Direction: Both Are Valid
Psychological flexibility involves recognising when comfort or direction is needed.
Relief offers recovery space.
Direction supports connection and meaning.
Some days, rest may be the most adaptive choice. Other days, taking a values-aligned action may support long-term wellbeing. Neither is superior. Both can be expressions of care for yourself.
A gentle check-in question:
· “Is this helping me feel better, or live in a way that fits my values?”
Both answers can be right.
When One Path Doesn’t Fit
Sometimes what used to help you feel better stops working, or what once gave life meaning feels out of reach. That it often signals that something needs space: grief, growth, recovery, or a different question entirely. It’s also okay if neither “feeling better” nor “living well” seems to fit right now. For people living with trauma, neurodivergence, chronic illness, or major transitions, wellbeing rarely follows tidy categories, and distress often shifts in waves rather than a straight line. Safety may need to come before pleasure. Rest may need to come before reflection. The goal isn’t to pick a label, it’s to make room for your experience as it unfolds, and “living well” doesn’t mean “acting neurotypical.” Your wellbeing may have a different rhythm, and that difference deserves respect, not correction.
If you’ve ever wondered why things that “should” make you happy don’t, or why hard choices can still matter to you, you’re not broken. You may simply be noticing the difference between feeling good and living well. In therapy, we don’t have to force one or chase the other; sometimes we’re just learning to notice which one you’re leaning toward, and whether it fits you right now.
Why “Chasing Happiness” Can Feel Disorienting
Popular culture often equates happiness with constant positivity, but the research shows this can backfire. When “feeling good” becomes a rule, people may avoid necessary discomfort, conflict, grief, or change, that helps us grow. Recognising that meaningful living sometimes includes distress can reduce feelings of self-blame and normalise the fluctuation we need to move forward.
Weather and Climate
Emotions can be like the weather, shifting, immediate, often unpredictable. Our broader life patterns, values, relationships, direction, are more like the climate. When storms are close, tending to the weather makes sense. When the sky clears, it may be possible to reflect on the general climate. Both are valid domains of care, they just require different approaches and perspectives.
Small Reflections
You might ask yourself:
“What’s bringing me relief right now?”
“What feels aligned with who I am?”
“Do I need more comfort, or more direction today?”
There’s no correct ratio. Sometimes rest supports clarity; sometimes action restores meaning. The aim isn’t to achieve constant balance, but to notice which direction feels useful at this moment.
Systemic Context and Self-Compassion
Not feeling “better” within a certain timeframe isn’t a failure. We seldom have the space to pause the world and focus only one part of ourselves or our healing. Factors like financial pressure, healthcare access, or discrimination shape what wellbeing looks like. Your progress cannot be measured solely by symptom relief.
A Closing Image
Imagine wellbeing as a river.
The sunlight on the surface is comfort.
The current underneath is purpose.
Some days you float; other days you follow the current both are part of living. There’s no need to choose one path. You’re allowed to pause by the riverbank, observe, and decide what feels possible next.
