New Years: Why Tiny Steps Work Better than Big Resolutions
During milestone moments, New Year’s, birthdays or key dates many of us feel a pull towards a “start fresh.” Maybe it’s a vow to “get organised,” “be healthier,” or “change your life,” but by March, our good intentions often fade. That’s not because we’re lazy, it’s because our brain, body, and nervous system are wired to adapt gradually.
Small, meaningful steps, paired with self-compassion and a values-based approach, are more likely to lead to sustainable change over large sweeping resolutions. No matter what we’re managing from our past (neurodivergent, trauma-affected, neurotypical or juggling the unpredictability of everyday life), we all deserve a gentle, realistic path forward.
Why Big Resolutions Often Backfire
The “Fresh-Start” Temptation
Researchers call it the fresh start effect. It is the rush of motivation we feel when a new beginning shows up on the calendar. A new year, a birthday, even a Monday can feel like a clean slate. The same spark shows up when we open a new notebook.
The problem is that the surge rarely lasts. The notebook stalls after three or four pages. The diet collapses after a few days. The novelty fades, momentum drops, guilt creeps in, and old habits pull us back. That is why so many resolutions, an estimated 60 to 80 percent, fall apart within a few months.
Why Grand Plans Get Overwhelming
Big, vague goals like “stop procrastinating,” “be more confident,” or “get fit” tend to fail because they:
Lack specific, manageable steps.
Depend heavily on motivation, which naturally fluctuates.
Focus on outcomes rather than habits or process.
Invite self-criticism when progress slows or stops.
A Kinder, Smarter Path: Small Steps, Friendlier Goals
Choose a Change That Truly Matters
Rather than asking “What should I fix about myself?”, if instead we ask:
What feels heavy or repetitive in my life?
What belief, pattern, or behaviour tends to hold me back?
What would make even one part of my life feel a little gentler or more manageable?
When a goal connects to our values, not to pressure or comparisons, it’s easier for us to stick with. This is often called a values-based goal. Research shows that goals aligned with our personal values tends to be more motivating and enduring. For example, instead of “I should meditate every day,” we might choose: “I want to feel calmer when I’m overwhelmed.”
Build a Ladder, Not a Leap
Large shifts can overwhelm our nervous system. Think of change as climbing a ladder with three rungs:
“This part of my life is hard.”
“Maybe I can try something small and manageable.”
“I’m gradually building a more balanced, supportive way of being.”
Each rung is believable, and each small success builds self-trust. This concept echoes in therapies such as Schema Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), over time, small steps help shape new patterns of our thoughts and behaviours.
Stack the Small Steps onto Everyday Life
One of the most effective ways to build sustainable habits is through habit stacking, pairing a new micro-habit with our existing routine. Examples:
As we wait for the kettle to boil, take one slow breath.
After you lock the front door, take a moment to stretch your shoulders.
After checking your email, write one kind thought to yourself.
Research on habit formation suggests if we repeat a behaviour consistently in the same context it will become automatic over time, often without constant conscious effort. Habit formation doesn’t depend only on willpower, but also on context, repetition, and simplicity.
Expect Wobbles: That’s Okay
Change is rarely linear. Sometimes we’ll remember what we’re trying to change, but sometimes we will forget, and that’s normal. Rather than judging ourselves, we can use each moment as a point of curiosity and an opportunity to learn by asking:
What helped this time?
What got in the way?
What might make the step easier next time?
This compassionate curiosity helps us adjust, rather than abandon our path forward.
Notice and Celebrate Small Wins
When we follow through, even just a little, we need to pause and acknowledge it. Maybe with a warm drink, a deep breath, or a quiet moment of acknowledgement. Small celebrations reinforce new habits without the pressure of perfectionism. Over time, these tiny wins build a stronger internal sense of self: the wise, grounded part often called the “Healthy Adult” in Schema Therapy.
A Simple Checklist for Sustainable Goals
Use this to test whether a goal is realistic and compassionate:
Is it meaningful to me, not just socially expected?
Is it small enough to manage even on a hard day?
Can it attach easily to something I already do?
Does it leave space for flexibility, pauses, and rest?
Does it move me toward being a version of myself that I like, without forcing perfection?
If we can answer yes to most of those, we’re progress up the ladder.
Growth Doesn’t Require a New You, Just the Next You
We don’t need a complete life overhaul, we don’t need perfection. Like building a new version of ourselves with lego blocks, we need to do it a piece at a time. We don’t need “New Year, new me.” We just need our next rung, a small, kind step, a new habit formed and a step forward towards the person we want to become. Over time, those tiny steps build into something strong, steady, and real. True change, real, lasting, compassionate growth, often begins with the smallest of steps.
