Helping Create Change with Motivational Interviewing
Change is hard. Whether it's a friend stuck in a cycle of depression, a colleague burned out from stress, or a family member is struggling to manage their health, it's natural to want to help. Often our instinct is to tell someone what to do but pushing or lecturing usually backfires. Motivational Interviewing is an evidence-based technique to help people you care about explore their own reasons for change. It uses respect, compassion and curiosity to walk alongside them rather than try to dictate to them how to live their life.
What is Motivational Interviewing?
Motivational Interviewing is a communication style developed by psychologists William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick. It’s designed to strengthen someone’s desire and commitment to change by helping them explore and resolve their uncertainty or ambivalence. Instead of trying to "convince" someone to change, this technique focuses on talking to them and exploring their own reasons for change, grounded in their values and goals.
The spirit of motivational interview is built around four key elements, known by the acronym PACE:
Partnership: Working together, not against.
Acceptance: Honouring their freedom and right to choose.
Compassion: Prioritising their wellbeing.
Evocation: Drawing out their own reasons rather than imposing our own.
In this strategy, the helper acts as a guide, not a director or dictator.
How to Help Someone Explore Change
Like a lot of psychological techniques, there is a framework or structure to the approach that can be applied step by step
Connection
We start by meeting the person exactly where they are using empathy and validation. Just learning about their experience of life right now. Avoiding problem-solving and instead listening and supporting.
Examples:
"It sounds like you're feeling completely overwhelmed."
"It makes sense you’d feel stuck after all you've been through."
Key Skills:
Open-ended questions: "What’s been going on for you lately?"
Affirmations: "You’ve shown a lot of strength just facing each day."
Reflections: "You're feeling exhausted, and that’s completely understandable."
Validating
Validation is about acknowledging the other person's feelings, thoughts, beliefs, or experiences without judgment. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, it means recognising that their feelings make sense in their context.
Key validation strategies include:
Pay Attention: Be fully present. Put away distractions and maintain eye contact.
Reflect Back: Paraphrase what they’ve said to show you’re listening.
"Read Minds": Notice body language and tone, and check your perceptions. For example, "It seems like you’re feeling really frustrated — is that right?"
Validate the Emotion, Not Necessarily the Belief: You can validate that someone feels hurt without agreeing that they've been wronged.
Avoid Validating the Invalid: Recognise their feelings without reinforcing any distortions or unfair assumptions they might have.
Example of full validation: "I can see why you’d feel overwhelmed, given everything on your plate. It makes sense you’re feeling this way."
Why validate? Validation helps lower defensiveness, builds trust, and creates emotional safety — essential foundations for change conversations.
Look Backwards
Once you’ve built trust, gently explore their history with the issue. Explore their journey and learn about how they’ve come to this point.
Ask:
"How long have you been feeling this way?"
"What was life like before these struggles started?"
"What’s been the hardest part of carrying this for so long?"
Reflect:
"You've been carrying this pain for a long time. That must be exhausting."
Why? Looking back honours their resilience and surfaces the hidden costs of staying stuck. Our goal is to help someone realise their own desire for something better.
Look Forwards
Next, gently invite them to explore two future paths. Help them to imagine the Future, what would it look like with and without change?
Without Change:
"If things stay the same, what do you imagine life will look like in five years?"
"What are you most worried about if nothing changes?"
With Change:
"If things started to get even a little better, what would that look like?"
"How would life feel different if you felt more like yourself again?"
Summarise:
"You’re saying that if nothing changes, you’ll keep carrying this pain. But even small steps towards change could lead to a life with more energy and freedom."
Why? Helping someone visualise their future taps into hope, fear, and their values, key motivators for real, lasting change. Our goal is not to offer judgement, just to sit beside them as they explore the thoughts themselves.
Quick Tips to Stay on Track
Ask, don’t tell. Use curious, open-ended questions.
Reflect, don’t judge. Paraphrase their feelings and hopes.
Affirm strengths. Acknowledge their resilience and efforts.
Stay patient. Change comes from feeling heard, not from pressure.
Remember: You’re not planting seeds of advice. You’re helping them find the seeds of change already inside them.
Motivational Interviewing is about walking beside someone, not dragging them forward. By connecting with their current experience, honouring their past pain, and inviting them to see a different future, you create the conditions for genuine, self-directed change.
Helping someone create change isn’t about saying the perfect thing. It's about offering respect, empathy, and belief in their ability to grow. Even small conversations, done well, can spark powerful shifts.
