Boundaries

Boundaries play a critical role in maintaining our well-being. Boundaries help define where our responsibility ends and another person begins, giving us control over our lives and how we interact with others. Often, we struggle to recognise when our boundaries are being crossed, or we start to feel uncomfortable in our relationships and aren’t quite sure why.

Types of Boundaries

Boundaries vary across different areas of our lives. To help identify where your boundaries sit, we try to look at them from six key areas:

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries refer to our personal space and comfort with physical touch. Setting these boundaries could mean deciding who you’re comfortable touching or being touched by, but it can also include how close someone stands next to us. Examples include not feeling okay when someone stands too close to us on public transport or being selective about which family member you share a hug with.

Sexual Boundaries

These involve comfort levels regarding intimacy, including how, when, and with whom you engage in any form of intimate touch or talk. Setting sexual boundaries might involve discussing terms for sexual activities or rejecting jokes that make you uncomfortable.

Intellectual Boundaries

Intellectual boundaries are about people having respect for your ideas and thoughts. If you fear being ridiculed for sharing an opinion or are dismissive of other perspectives, it may be a sign your intellectual boundaries are not being respected.

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries protect your feelings and personal information. They involve understanding your emotions without feeling responsible for the emotional state of others. An example could be feeling obligated to take on a friend’s emotional burdens as your own.

Material and Financial Boundaries

These boundaries define how you share and lend personal belongings, money, or resources. If lending possessions leads to them being mistreated or not returned, it might be time to clarify these boundaries.

Time Boundaries

Time is a precious resource, and setting boundaries around it is crucial. Time boundaries help us make sure we are spending our time in a way that aligns with our priorities without feeling guilty for saying "no."

Do You Need Healthier Boundaries?

Recognising challenges with our boundary often begins with identifying unhealthy patterns. Here are some signs that may mean we need to have stronger boundaries:

• Overextending yourself by taking on more than you can handle.

• Saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do.

• Making excuses for someone else’s poor behaviour.

• Constantly tending to others’ needs at the expense of your own.

• Taking on other people’s problems or emotions as your own.

If you identify with any of these, it may be time to assess and reinforce your boundaries.

Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries

Identify Your Needs - Understanding what you need to feel safe and respected is essential to setting boundaries. Reflect on your past experiences to identify areas where boundaries could help you feel more secure and valued.

Communicate Clearly and Calmly - When you set boundaries, communicate them with clarity and confidence. Use "I" statements to express your needs, like “I feel overwhelmed when my weekends are filled with activities I didn’t agree to in advance.”

Learn to Say No Without Guilt - Saying "no" is a powerful tool for maintaining your boundaries. Remember, you’re not responsible for others' reactions when you assert your limits respectfully. Think about how you feel when you hear no from others.

Establish Consequences - Boundaries often require follow-through. If someone consistently ignores your boundaries, let them know what actions you’ll take if it happens again, like limiting time spent together or addressing the behaviour directly.

Reevaluate Regularly - As you grow, your boundaries might need to adjust too. Check in with yourself to make sure your boundaries still serve your well-being.

Setting boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is an act of self-respect and a foundation for healthy relationships. By clearly defining and protecting your boundaries, you can create a more balanced, fulfilling life where your needs are valued. Take the time to think about where your boundaries stand and, if needed, start with some small changes to build stronger, healthier relationship with yourself and those around you.